im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
