Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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