That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Randomize
