Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize