I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize