I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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