She is in my trunk
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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