I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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