I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
