bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize