you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
