pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
