capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
