im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
