Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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