Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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