Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
