are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
