Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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