We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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