i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
