Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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