WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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