And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
