I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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