Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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