I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
even my farts smell like vagina
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
