I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
