This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
