we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
