he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
