i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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