my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
