I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
