I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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