dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Your dad touched me again.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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