your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize