can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
