Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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