whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i love accidental penises.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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