So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
