I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
