worst night to have a conscience
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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