No awkward lesbian experiences without me
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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