What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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