meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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