I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
