if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
