This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
