you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
