i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
