I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
