State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
