remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
