'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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