i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
