is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
