hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize