i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
