I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
