I'm gonna have a badass scar
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
