went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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