There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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