you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
