he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
