first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
